你为什么说谎???

这次我走开 再没有话要说出来
我不想再期待走下去 还能多精彩
我不了解你怎能心安
也捉不住你的倔强
可是我知道你 你为什么说谎

你说你还在 一分一秒也没走开
我想留在这里 可是这一切已太晚
我不能再像从前一样
为我们的明天疯狂
你不必解释 你为什么说谎

你不能说我没有爱过
说我没等过难过 我也想说
也许能重来我却还是沉默
你一直问我的心到底在不在
问我怎能不遗憾就丢失了爱
而我的泪 怎么就流下来

lies...

lies...

lies...lies...

that's what you give me

everything you says seems to be real

but sometimes...its too real that i can't even believe it

whenever i try to make myself trust what you say

the truth will always reveal itself to me

now what i can do...

???

i don't think i can bear all this anymore

i've given you times

i've given myself times too...

all this while...i know it always had been me

it was me that blind my own eyes

it was me that often denies the truth

it was me that always chose to look in the false side

i know what i shouldn't, but i chose what i shouldn't

many told me "you're so silly"

i know...but i just can't accept it...

that's why i choose to keep my eyes close,

make my ears deaf when stories about you comes to me

but now~

i've had enough...

first time you lied...it hurts, but i forgived

second time...its like killing, but i gave you another chance

third time now...i feels nothing, i'm just numb

no more heart-bleeding feels, not feeling pains,

no tears flowing down

it's just NOTHING~

is like something that might happen sooner or later i guess

you may say i'm a coward

but...sorry, i don't think i could handle this anymore...

i've sacrificed a lot...

all my patience and care and time

you just make me feel...its all wasted!

its all worthless for i've put on someone like you that never appreciate

worthless!!! 

i rather keep all to myself,

share it with others

rather than giving all to you, where you treat it like a glass of water

pouring it out...like its nothing important,

i'm too tired to make everything continue

too tired...to act as if i'm not jealous,

too tired...to pretends that i'm ok but i'm not

i should stop you from hurting me anymore

making myself to hold-on to this relation,

its going to be my biggest mistake if i do continues

its just seem tough...and like something-that-never-will-happen

i wanna wake myself up from this so-called sweet dream,

which basically was a nightmare...

a nightmare that kills me slowly

i've no more ideas on how to make you realise,

on how to tell you that you should have appreciate me more

for now~ everything is already too late

maybe, me letting-go is gonna be the best for you

you could do whatever you want,

you don't have anymore hard time to think of ways to hide from me

cause now, you are totally free

i'm not gonna burden your life anymore

~~~

my 1st chapter...^^

4th july 2010

this particular day...

i came to this brand new place

a place that i've been eager to come for

a place that i use to think 1 day i'm able to step my foot on

and there...

on this particular day

i'm finally stepping my foot in

to the life of university~

starts...not as i thought

rough time comes by trying to mingle in

uncertainty on where to begin stepping on

...confused...afraid...naive...

all this...i've tried to overcome

but in life...obstacles are meant to be there...

LUCKY i could say...

i found my mates^^

yannie, hueylyn, eng, xiao fei fei

thanks for the guidance and also the nonsense

we struggle through out hard times together

unknown how...but we did!

from orientation...sleepless night...tiring days

attending meetings...(and skipping it)

tryout new things..learning yoga and dance

exploring, shopping, going for vacation and night market

attending classes, work-out assignments, fiddle through exams
planning for vacation before final
discussing the latest fashion,
sharing and trying beauty tips together
gossips around on everything
either we know or not...we still discuss
girls~ i love you!!! muackss*
we had pillow talks...
sharing info...techniques...
solving each other problems
with so many different ideas to fill our days

though sometimes we are too busy for each other

but we are always there together

with different personality

that creates the chemical between us

that begins the time where we shares everything together...^^

not forgetting my debating-buddy...

jonathan~
remember the 1st moment we be friend
its a coincidence...i can say
honestly, from my 1st impression to you
'this guy...he's a mix, a nerd too??'
but now i realise...
it's a totally NO NO!!
jonathan...the way you speak...hurts!!!
you help me to regain the-not-gonna-lose me
starts good as we were still new to each other
but after all...we could fight like cat and dog...
hush! hush!! 
though we don't really fight with all the punching-and-kicking
but we fought with words...harsh...laser...
but because of all this fighting too
misunderstanding happened...
urghh...suddenly in a total new world
rumours came...
emyly and jonathan...together...
what's going on??? 0.o
oii!!!
don't try to stick us together!
(sorry kelly...not me, is them) 
for everyone's information
we are from the same field of magnet
so...we not gonna stick but repeal!
and here i'm gonna say thanks to you jonathan
you helped me to improve my skills...
hahahahXDDD
is great having all those fight with you
we should continue in coming days...
if not...i'm gonna cool down(bad)

  
had my girls...and my debators...
not forgetting my motivator...
(or should i say the counselor a.k.a tour guide?)
 oh...ya...should be this way
i'm counseling and i got counseled too
ups and downs together...we had gone thru
thanks to you too...gjoel^^ 
knowing you...was basically another lucky coincidence
just like jonathan
me and jonathan might be the debators
me and you we are like the problem-solver..
hahahaXDD
never thought of that happening in my uni life...
that's the chemistry in real life...
mixing the spice of our days,
(Arabian shop~ Barbican~ Kebab~)
sharing our thoughts on how things should go on...
giving each other advices
motivating, guiding, helping
enjoying days together
never thought we could have so many in common before
but that's 1 thing for sure now...
we are on the same mindset!
i've learned a lot from you...
and i hope what i've shown you too may help
you taught me how to mingle around in life...
i told you ways to let things be as they are...
been there to advice, been there to talked with
many that we shared,
~sharing is caring~
many that we both learned from what we have seen
from what we had (i think basically~) discussed
what more could i say
(i guess i did says a lot already from time to time)
but anyhow...you meant a lot to me~

now~ its 16th nov 2010
in this approximate of 4 months time that we had together
i appreciate all that happens
all of you accompanies me~
walking through this stairs of uni life
 i know...everyone of us are ready for each other
we are ready to grab each hands
when one is about to fall~
as now time pass and says bubye to us
but i hope i will never hears bubye from neither of you
we could and we should be there
stay close together
sticking like been-glued-together
as i know...
we could sparks up our life even more in future
well...in coming semester...
we might all been directed towards different direction
but still we could find a 'stop'
where we could gather again...
make a scene like what we did during our Genting trip
and also days that we had where we laugh too much
our stomach could burst on the next second
we are back-to-back
relying or helping...we back-up each other
so...my buddies...
wait up for more time
we could spend together
sketching rainbows in our books of life
YOU ARE THE BEST ^.^v
~ I Love All of You~

for you~ take it as your motivation...

this is all for you...
 
If you wander off too far

If you follow the wrong star

If you ever find yourself

Lost and all alone

Get back on your feet and think of me

My smile will get you home

If the bright lights blinds your eyes

If your trouble breaks your stride

If you ever feel ashamed

If its only you to blame

If you ever find yourself

Lost and all alone

Get back on your feet and think of me

My smile will get you home

 ^^

i wonder why~ i wonder why~

it has been so long since i last posted

things happens recently..

many~

good and bad times...

i wondered...

have you ever appreciate what i did to you?

do you really know what i'm thinking all this while?

do you realise when i'm happy and when i'm not?

i made choices...

i did many things that i shouldn't have

i took many steps that i'm not suppose to

that's all bcoz of YOU!!

do you realise the importance of you to me?

do you know what i feels when i saw you standing right infront of me??

have you ever notice what i had sacrifice just for you???

i hope you realised~

but when will it be the day that you will tell me all the truth?

is that committing yourself to me is so HARD?

i always wonder why?

why you try to hide me from your friends?

why you never have the guts to hold me in public?

why you never allows me to touch your phone?

why you are afraid to let me browse through your stuff?

why everytime we meet its only at your house?

why when you are out with me you seems so uncomfortable?

why you always make sure i don't tell out loud about us?

why i could only follow what you ask me to do?

why you never tell me about your friends?

why you hang up my phone everytime you were with your friends?

why you need to hide from me whenever you are answering calls?

why am i not allowed to be friend with those that you know?

why...why...why...

there are to many 'why' that i always wanted to ask

but i never!

i never ever questioned any to you...

bcoz i trust you...

i'm always waiting and for-long waiting

till the time you tell all to me by yourself

sometimes, i know what's happening,

just like the time you went penang,

but you lied to me saying you are working

but the truth is you are enjoying with other girl

but i didn't speak a word about that

i kept in silence

for what?

for the trust!!!

ok...that passed and i'm not gonna think on that anymore

since then, things goes good

but later on, you did tell me you are going out with friends

but you never let me know who's with you

i don't mind about that

that's your privacy
 and at least you let me know you are out

but the next thing i see

the photo that shows the truth

again...i'm speechless

is all your so-called sisters hugs you the way it is?

no!!!

they shouldn't!!!

i gave you the freedom that you suppose to own

but please....please just don't tell me

all those bizzare lies...

tell me the truth as it is,

please don't hide from me coz it hurts

even more than knowing the truth

now i'm so not sure

not sure about all the things that you says

not sure is all the promises you make is just for that miserable seconds...

not sure how much trust that i could give you anymore

i wanted to give you all my trust

but is it worth-it?

thats still a question to myself

a question that i still unable to find the answer

there's too many that makes me wonder

too many that i'm trying to workout on

so...please...i'm waiting for the truth

~